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Playboy Magazine

I was in the process of writing a post on not being excited about playboy magazine, but upon learning that Vida Guerra will be featured in the next issue I have stopped being not excited about playboy magazine…..for this month at least. Continue to read though because I think I have some decent arguments.....

I recently received a Playboy subscription for my birthday and it just isn’t doing it for me. I mean I really don’t feel the urge to pick it up – neither for the girls nor for the articles. The other day I was wishing that I had received Newsweek or Time instead. Now I’m trying to figure out the reason(s) for this. Has the combination of my laptop and high-speed internet made the world of online porn so widely accessible that I've become desensitized to something as simple as topless girls in the glossy pages of a magazine? I go to the World Wide Web for pretty much all of my news so why wouldn’t I go to it for my porn? But does getting better porn (dirtier and in video format) on the internet tell the whole story? I don’t think I can’t discount the magazine porn medium just yet because the pictorials of the girls in FHM and Maxim are totally hot, and the girls aren’t even naked. Some of the girls whose recent FHM or Maxim spreads I enjoyed include: Vida Guerra; Autumns Reeser (Taylor from the O.C.); the FSU Cowgirls; Kristen Bell (Veronica Mars of Veronica Mars); Jenny McCarthy; Vida Guerra; Anna Benson; and Eva Longoria among many others.

So why are the Playboy pictures not as hot? For one thing, there’s definitely merit to the whole air-brushed thing – it may hide stretch marks and other blemishes, but it makes their boobs look like flesh-colored cumulus clouds floating around the general area of their chest. Their whole bodies look like that – it makes me think that I would lose my hand inside their thighs if I were to try to touch them. That’s just not hot.

Also, notice anything about the list of girls I just rattled off? They’re all minor celebrities who orbit my pop culture universe. While Ms. April is better looking than the average girl from the street, she still is just some girl from the street. She may even look better than some of the aforementioned girls, but she’s not on TV, so I kind of don’t care. Playboy does feature celebrities and I would be pretty excited if someone important enough to me were to pose, but that hasn’t happened quite yet. So far I’ve gotten the chick from the Go Daddy commercials, Willa Ford (D-level Brittney Spears and Christina Aguleira rip-off), and some chick from Reno 911. I’ll have to side w/ Maxim and FHM on this one.

As for the feel of the magazine – I think it’s too sophisticated. Some of the subject matter covered includes: Religion vs. Science; Global Warming; Vaginal Cosmetic Surgery, and the Psychopathology of War. It’s not that I’m not interested in these things; it’s just that I can’t reconcile reading a behind-the-scenes profile of Dick Cheney and looking at nude women in the same magazine. “I’ll take politics for the main course with an order of titties on the side!” It’s one or the other for me. But after reading an article on the Best Sitcom Neighbors in Maxim I fully expect to see a bikini-clad babe dry humping a Mustang on the next page. Maybe I’m just not mature enough to read Playboy - maybe you’ll just tell me that I’m and idiot and that titties are titties and to stop being so whiney.