I took a facilitation training class through work this past week and it was both surprisingly interesting and potentially useful. The next phase of our project involves guiding some desk-jockeys through decision-making on some good old government red-tape and this will require not only facilitation skills, but also heavy lifting and a healthy streak of masochism…. na na NA NA NA NA na … na na NA NA NA NA na …… na na NA NA NA NA na ….. na na NA NA NA NA na. I was quite skeptical going into this and I of course questioned the legitimacy of this Master Facilitator the minute I laid eyes on her… See me comin to town with my soul Straight down out of the world with my fingers Holding onto the devil I know all my trouble I’ll hang on your trigger take your eyes and your mind from the road Shoot your mouth off but look where you're aiming Don't forget to pick up what you sow Talking trash to the garbage around you.….Expecting to hear the requisite buzzwords like “synergy” and “value-add”, I was shocked when nary a consulting term spewed from her boca. Maybe this lady isn’t full of shit? She did use the word ‘recalcitrant’ a few times and this made me feel really stupid because I didn’t know what it meant -- all I could think of was Calcium Carbonate….na na NA NA NA NA na … na na NA NA NA NA na …. … na na NA NA NA NA na ….. na na NA NA NA NA na.
This lady was like a bizzaro consultant because her Power Point slides didn’t even have ridiculous looking illustrations or silly elevator music or even CGI. I thought that I would appreciate this bare bones approach because it was so refreshing, but in the end I just wanted some CGI dammit…. See me kickin the door with my boots Broke down out in a ditch of old rubbish Snakes and bones in the back of your room Handing out a confection of venom Heaven's drunk from the poison you use Charm the wolves with the eyes of a gambler Now I see it's a comfort to you hammer my bones on the anvil of daylight....What does one have to do to get some sweet footage of Cyborgs blowing each others’ heads off?
But I was definitely able to add some firepower to my currently empty facilitation arsenal. I learned how to deal with a variety of potentially perilous situations including: “dominating,” when one does not shut the fuck up; “digressing,” when one talks about random shit and “avoiding,” when one withdraws from the discussion and goes to sleep…. na na NA NA NA NA na … na na NA NA NA NA na …. … na na NA NA NA NA na ….. na na NA NA NA NA na….. I was instructed to politely thank the dominators and digressers for their input and then to quickly break eye-contact and ask someone else for their point of view – pretty slick and rather tactless in my opinion, but I’m hoping that my audience will be too stupid or apathetic to realize what happened to them. I was told to address the avoider by name and then ask for their input – a logical approach, but something I probably would have never thought of…. I won't give up that ghost
It's sick the way these tongues are twisted The good in us is all we know There's too much left to taste that's bitter ……
The best part was learning how to get avoid answering a difficult question because I really like avoiding things – work, responsibility, reality, etc…I learned two good techniques: the relay
and the boomerang . The relay technique calls for the redirecting of the question to someone more informed than yourself and the boomerang technique recommends throwing the question back at the questioner….na na NA NA NA NA na … na na NA NA NA NA na …. … na na NA NA NA NA na ….. na na NA NA NA NA na.
I should be getting my official “certificate of facilitation-training completion” any day now so I should be able to help parties reach consensus on many a conflict. I can see myself coming to the aid of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and President Musharraf in their attempt to resolve the dispute over Kashmir, helping the World to peacefully disarm Kim Jong Il, and even brokering a peace between NHL players and owners.
So I was bored this morning and decided I would go and check up on what, if any, news there might be to read about my favorite band ever, Alice In Chains. We all know that Layne is dead (God rest his soul... his heroin and cocaine soaked soul) and that AIC hasn't played a show together since 1995, but the former members are all still active in music and I like checking in to see what they're up to. This morning I was pleasently surprised by what I found and it has engulfed my thoughts and actions all day. It turns out that in February of this year, Jerry Cantrell, Mike Inez and Sean Kinney played together on the same stage - the first time since '96 - at a benefit concert for some tsunami or other (175,000 dead asians? the world could use a few less asians, I say). A variety of front men filled in for Layne incuding the dude from Puddle of Mudd, Ann Wilson from Heart and most notably, Maynard James Keenan. It takes a special singer to be able to pull off some of Laynes songs but they all sounded fantastic...
Anyhoo, I've been searching all day to find a bootleg of this show or pictures or anything. And I'm proud to say that I did. I have the entire show in mp3 so if anybody wants it, you let me know and I'll get it to you. I'm not sure if any of you guys who read this blog (all 4 of you) are into AIC, but this show was just fucking awesome. A must have for even the most casual of fans.
For more details on the show, check out the extended entry of this post.
Alice in Chains owns stage in tsunami-relief show full of surprises
Monday, February 21, 2005
By TRAVIS HAY
SPECIAL TO THE POST-INTELLIGENCER
Who would've thought that Maynard James Keenan, the singer for Tool and A Perfect Circle, would have made a near perfect singer for Alice in Chains? That was one of many surprises Friday night when some of Seattle's musical stars came out for a cause at Premier nightclub.
The cause was a benefit concert for victims of last year's tsunamis, and the stars included Ann and Nancy Wilson of Heart, Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic, Supersuckers, Sir Mix-A-Lot, The Children of the Revolution and others. But the brightest stars were the remaining members of Alice in Chains -- drummer Sean Kinney, bassist Mike Inez and guitarist Jerry Cantrell -- who performed together for the first time in six years.
Novoselic acted as host for the show, which was put on by K-Rock (KRQI-FM/96.5). The show raised more than $100,000 for relief efforts.
The reformed Alice in Chains featured several big names filling the shoes of late vocalist Layne Staley, who died of a drug overdose in 2002. Wes Scantlin from Puddle of Mudd, Pat Lachman from metal band Damageplan, Ann Wilson and Keenan all shared microphone duties.
Each turned in remarkable performances that paid justice to the fallen singer. The band performed two sets, one acoustic the other plugged in, with Lachman taking the lion's share of the vocal duties.
The evening wasn't just about Alice in Chains. The Wilsons performed three Led Zeppelin covers along with "Barracuda" and "Crazy on You," Sir Mix-A-Lot offered up rap-metal versions of "Baby Got Back" and "My Posse's on Broadway," and Supersuckers played a blazing set.
Still, Alice in Chains owned the evening. The band's acoustic set started off with "The Killer Is Me," which was followed by "No Excuses." Later in the set, which closed with "Down in a Hole," Ann Wilson brought a soulful edge to "Brother."
For its second set of the night, Alice in Chains opened with "It Ain't Like That" from "Facelift." After the song, Cantrell introduced Scantlin, a surprise guest, who sang "Again" with Lachman and then took over vocal duties for "Would" and "Angry Chair."
But it was Keenan, another surprise performer, who proved the most natural fit at replacing Staley. He impressively nailed "Man in the Box" and "Them Bones."
For the last song, Wilson, Keenan, Lachman and Scantlin took turns trading verses and lines during "Rooster." The "We Are the World"-style rendition of the song was the perfect ending for a magical night.
SEATTLE POST-INTELLIGENCER
Did it ever occur to you that there is no conflict of interests among men, neither in business nor in trade nor in their most personal desires - if they omit the irrational from their view of the possible and destruction from their view of the practical? There is no conflict, and no call for sacrifice, and no man is a threat to the aims of another - if men understand that reality is an absolute not to be faked, that lies do not work, that the unearned cannont be had, that the undeserved cannot be given, that the destruction of a value which is, will not bring value to that which isn't. The businessman who wishes to gain a market by throttling a superior competitor, the worker who wants a share of his employer's wealth, the artist who envies a rival's higher talent - they're all wishing facts out of existence, and destruction is the only means of their wish. If they pursue it, they will not achieve a market, a fortune or an immortal fame - they will merely destroy production, employment and art. A wish for the irrational is not to be achieved, whether the sacrificial victims are willing or not. But men will not cease to desire the impossible and will not lose their longing to destroy - so long as self-destuction and self-sacrifice are preached to them as the practical means of achieving the happiness of the recipients.
No one's happiness but my own is in my power to achieve or to destroy.