I got invited to a Johnny Walker whisky tasting , since Karl had gone to a previous tasting I asked for his advice
Jon: tell me how to taste it
Jon: so i can look like a hotshot
Karl: haha....you just walk in there and down each one as fast as you can
Karl: and then you start on your neighbors after that
Jon: ok i think i can do that
Jon: and youre sure that will make me look like a real aficionado?
Jon: how much do they give you?
Karl: then you say: "damn, i hope this shit don't kill me, or make me blind" then you leave
Karl: i got 7 drinks total
Karl: two mixed, and 5 shots
and since Long Dong Silver is a pretty smooth dude I asked him also
Jon: i think im going with [name] to a Johnny Walker Scotch tasting
Jon: next Thursday
Jon: that's free
Long Dong Silver: nice man
Long Dong Silver: that is sweet as hell
Jon: i guess i got picked for it because im a washington post reader
Jon: karl went to one last weekend, that's kind of weird
Long Dong Silver: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6173286/
Jon: ya bayes told me about that already
Jon: thanks a lot you guys
Long Dong Silver: dammit
Jon: so, a scotch tasting
Jon: tell me how to taste scotch
Long Dong Silver: i dont know,first i smell it, then i just sip it and swish it around like mouthwash
Long Dong Silver: then i swallow
Long Dong Silver: and note the aftertaste
Long Dong Silver: i bet you can find it online
Long Dong Silver: i adopted my technique from wine tasting
Jon: i see
Long Dong Silver: what do you think
Long Dong Silver: its kind of like if you were eating Christy Turlington's pussy
Long Dong Silver: you would savor everything
Long Dong Silver: the smell
Long Dong Silver: the taste
Long Dong Silver: and the aftertaste
Long Dong Silver: noting the body
Long Dong Silver: and perfume
Jon: i also asked karl how to taste the scotch, since he went there already
Long Dong Silver: i like my pussy explanation
The presentated amounted to not much more than a targeted ad for Johnny Walker Black but I managed to pick up some small talk fodder about the distillation process of Scotch and how to taste it.
Scotch Whisky is made from Barley. You can also make whisky with other grains like Corn or Wheat but these are called Scotch Grain Whiskys. For it to qualify as true Scotch it needs to be made entirely in Scotland and be aged for at least 3 years. The Barley is smoked over fired peat to lend it flavor and dry it out. It is then mixed with water and crushed in some kind of huge pestle, and turns into what is known as the Mash. The mash is then fermented in casks in a similar manner as beer, by adding yeast. What comes out of this is extremely alcoholic and colorless. It is then further distilled in copper pots several times and this is where it the whisky absorbs its color and flavor. I guess older whiskys are better because they have more time to mellow and absorb the complex flavors from the stills. Blended whiskys are combinations of different batches that all exhibit certain qualities. The idea is to mask the individual failings of each whisky by combing flavors. I wanted to ask why I would spend 80 dollars on a bottle of Black Label when I could just get a really good single malt, but couldn't find the right time for questions.
The lady who seemed to be in charge called herself an Ambassador of Johnny Walker and was at least 6'2". We were given 5 shot glasses of whisky, 3 of them were single malts that exhibited certain qualities that JW is known for, and the other two were the actual blend that results from expertly mixing the single batches. This helped us to isolate the flavors.
When tasting whisky, there are 4 basic parts.
The first step is the legs. The legs are how quickly the whisky will run down the sides of the glass. An oily whisky (these tend to exhibit smokey flavors) will, like Christy Turlington, sport a nice long set of legs.
Next is the nose. We were told to open our mouths and inhale the odor, trying to taste it in our nose and on the back of our tongue. This introduces the palate to the flavors. She also invited us to splash a little whisky on our hands, rub them together, then smell them. Charles said, "Mine just smell like cigarettes". I tried it with the smokey whisky and I smelled band-aids and pork.
Then is the actual taste, where you might notice the main flavor notes of fresh fruit, sweet fruit, smoke, and ... somethign else. I just tasted alcohol.
Finally is the finish, this is how the flavor sits in your mouth and the pang you might feel in your jowels. I think Black Label has a strong finish.
At the end, she encouraged us to go to the bar next door and try the other labels of JW which were being sold for the very reasonable price of $10 for a glass of Gold Label and $25 for a glass of Blue Label. She also asked us to write down our overall impressions of the presentation and return them to her. Charles said he thought his overall impression was that they wanted us to buy whisky, my impression was that the tall bitch takes her booze very seriously.