September 28, 2004

METROed

So I was coming home on the Metro last week after getting back from a business trip in San Antonio where I failed to get any ass, but got a lukewarm promise from a cute waitress to give my co-worker a call (and thereby contact me) if she got a job with the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency and ended up moving to the Greater D.C. Area. Ill-prepared as always, I forgot to pack business cards. The odds of her calling are stacked against me as it would require an extraordinary confluence of events not seen since the Three-headed Nor’easter that caused the storm that led to George Clooney and Mark Wahlberg’s untimely death in The Perfect Storm. Devin, my waitress, would have to pass a background check, meaning no history of experimentation with narcotics or three-ways, and she would also have to appear to be the best choice among all the other candidates with the NGA, and if this is true she would have to decide that she no longer wants to waitress at Swigs, and that she does want to pursue a career in intelligence in the Greater D.C area and actually move to the area, and then remember that she met a cute/ funny guy at her bar who offered to talk to her boss and ask if she could leave early, and that she doesn’t have his contact information, but does have the contact information of his co-worker who may not even be his co-worker by the time she moves to the area. And then she has to actually call. Good luck, Sam.

I get off at my Metro stop and the gates don’t let me through, apparently I do not have enough money on my card to meet the exit fare requirements. I have no cash on me as I was misled into believing that cash was rendered useless in this Digital Age of ours. Tired and probably looking like a friendlier version of Mohammad Atta, I approach the gate-attendant to find an appropriate solution to my problem. According to the lady, my coming to the gate with no money was pre-meditated.
Yes lady, I am doing this on purpose just to make your day worse. I want to take advantage of both you and the MTA. Maybe I can get your supervisor to reprimand you or better yet, fire you.
I tell this idiot that I am a daily-rider of the Metro and that I pay full fare everyday. I pay fare to a system that charges peak rates from 2AM to 3AM when the trains are sparsely populated, a system that arrests a lady for eating a Payday while riding the escalator down to the concourse.
I even have two metro cards which when combined equal $4.00; more than enough to cover the exit fare. $2.40 + $1.60 > $3.55 I explain to the lady. I offer this as evidence of my paying for the fare, and I state that I am an unfortunate victim of circumstance. Just when I think that things cannot get any worse the lady informs me that my $2.40 metro card actually contains no money. The lady tells me that this is my fault since the card is in my possession. “But I bought the ticket from your machine,” I counter. The lady yells at me some more, and finally says that she doesn’t want to see my face. She opens the exits gate and tells me to leave.

Posted by sam at September 28, 2004 11:15 AM
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